Grace in Pain

"He was despised and rejected by men, a man of suffering who knew what sickness was.   He was like one people turned away from; He was despised, and we didn't value Him. Yet He Himself bore our sicknesses, and He carried our pains; but we in turn regarded Him stricken, struck down by God, and afflicted. But He was pierced because of our transgressions,  crushed because of our iniquities;  punishment for our peace was on Him and we are healed by His wounds. We all went astray like sheep we all have turned to our own way: and the LORD has punished Him for the iniquity of us all." Isaiah 53:3-6 HCSB

                                               

So many times I take for granted all that Christ suffered for me, not that I totally forget, it is there, I know it, I just don't always live a thankful life or even sometimes a life that looks like I believe it! So I've been asking God to help me live a life with a more thankful heart,  remembering and living in active belief of all that He has done for me and in me.

God allowed me just that opportunity this week.  A time to remember and be thankful.  It has been a very tough week for me physically. I really don't know what I did to hurt my back, besides being old, out of shape (mine is becoming more watermelon like), not taking good care of myself, having a mattress almost as old as my youngest son, and thinking I might be close to "that time" or that I might never have "that time" again, there was not an incident in which I remember hurting it.  I was hurting more than usual last Saturday and went to bed thinking I probably shouldn't sleep in my bed  but I was exhausted and climbed in anyway. When I got out of bed on Sunday morning I could hardly walk, but did make it downstairs to the couch. My pain got progressively worse culminating in being on the floor attempting to crawl to the bathroom. I couldn't do it. The pain was just too intense. I felt like a wimp, after all I had crawled to the stairs earlier in the day though painful. I had been through four pitocin induced labors with no pain killer, except my first which I actually gave myself more points for because I ended up going to C-section. ( I could actually feel them cutting me. I guess the gas didn't totally work but enough to make it tolerable.) I thought I was fairly tough.  Nope!  I was able to lay on my side with not much pain and eventually inched my way, basically dragging and pushing myself across the living room floor onto the entry tile to the stairs to try to use them to get myself up. Not! Finally, knowing that I was just going to have to endure horrendous pain or wet my pants my amazing husband got a weight lifting belt, slipped it under me and he and my eldest son lifted me off the floor while I yelled (not loudly), "Just do it, just do it fast. It's going to hurt no matter what" Made it into my husbands supporting arms and we shuffle walked to the bathroom. I don't know how long all this took but it seemed as though it would last forever.

The benefit of the time and the pain was that God gave me the grace to remember Jesus. The intensity of His pain was so many times greater than mine and yet, He chose to allow people to beat Him with a flesh tearing whip, spit upon Him, rip His hair out, push thorns into His head, be nailed to a cross where there was no position that had any ounce of relief.
Why? So that you and I could be in relationship with Him.

On Monday or Tuesday, I found out I had not hit that womanly benchmark and started to experience all those monthly things that women and their families dread. One of my usual "side effects" is lower back pain which is something that I already had but it just piled on. I also got achy joints especially the hips, hot flashes, night sweats and being "a bit" more emotional than normal. A day or two later some sort of virus hit; fever and chills which caused me to shake uncontrollably. My back did improve as the week moved on but until today I hadn't gone to the bathroom, which is the only place I went, without some sort of assistance. I felt piled upon.

Of course, my being “piled upon” was nothing compared to what my Saviour endured. Not only was He hanging there in excruciating physical pain in which there was no human way of escape, but people were yelling at Him, mocking Him, even one of the thieves on a cross beside Him contributed! But there was something more excruciating than the physical, emotional and mental pain. You see, all the sin of all mankind from the beginning of creation to the end of it was laid upon Him while He hung in the darkness both literally and spiritually. I know there is really no way to describe it but it as if you could gather all the sewage and vomit of every person in all time past, present and future and pour it on Him. It would burn and sting with white hot pain upon all those raw, open wounds, not running off but piling up and up and up, into this great mound of horrid sin. Jesus cried out: “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” He was in torment just as Psalm 22 and Isaiah 53 describe. 
 
Why did He choose to endure such torture, such repulsive sin? God is perfectly holy, righteous and just. He said “The wages of sin is death”, so someone had to die. We are the perpetrators, all of mankind, we should face the judgement but the Bible says that He who knew no sin, became sin so that we might have life. God is also perfect in love and mercy and He took our place. God's perfect justice and mercy were simultaneously displayed upon the cross. And Jesus offers us life. Lord, thank You for life, thank You for helping me remember.

By Friday, my back was feeling better, I was not having the severe, shaking chills but I had gained a cough that actually made my head hurt and tightened my back and the hormonal emotion was more intense with a little peri-menopausal anxiety thrown in.  Last night, I was weary, tired of not sleeping in a bed and feeling a bit sorry for myself when God again gave grace to remember that the Bible says that Jesus didn't have a place to lay His head.  He didn't have His own home or bed. He left all of Heaven, His home, gave up being known and loved for who He is, gave up His rights as God to be made like a servant so that You and I could know Him.

So I went to bed on my supporting, wonderful love seat after my more supporting, most wonderful husband prayed with me and helped me get situated into the best position and cried, confessing to God my ungratefulness. He has and always will provide all that I need spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically and yet I often forget to thank Him and so I began thanking Him and some time in there I fell asleep and slept longer than any night before, awaking this morning feeling closer to normal than I had all week. God is indeed good! This week was not fun but was good, that everlasting kind of good!

Dear precious Lord, please, help me and all Your children, indeed all that You have created rise up in praise and thanksgiving for all that You have done.  O that we would worship You for You are worthy.  You are good!  You are good!  You are indeed very good!  Thank You!